I am terrified

Today's blog won't be as preppy, cocky or funny as it usually is, bu that is because I am at a majorly terrifying point in my life.

Granted, I am not going through PTSD, neither am I chronically depressed, have been threatened with death or done up a terrible incurable disease. So logically I have no reason to be feeling this way right? And since when have I magically become logical?

Yesterday I finished highschool. Yay! Major success! And I know what I'm doing next year. My accommodation is sorted out. And my parents have saved up enough that I should be able to finish my course without monetary trouble. Sorted.

Now bring into consideration that I have lived in the same house since I was born. I was in the same preprimary for 5 years, the same primary school for 7 years and the same highschool for a further 5 years. My schools have always been small and concentrated. Heck my current highschool had only about 600 learners so each child could get individual attention in class.

Add to that that for the first six months next year I will be in a class the size of my entire highschool and I'm falling apart and realising just how small I am.

Then there is the fact that being part of a close knit community, many of the people I know from preprimary went with me to primary school and from there to highschool. And even those who went to different schools were a few neighbourhoods away. Now we will be going to universities in completely different cities. The few that are attending my university are further divided into courses that take different classes and you end up with even less people you see. Again the fact that classes are now the size of my highschool and bam! chances of seeing someone you know has just become minuscule.

To be honest I guess I'm just terribly afraid of losing my safe and structured controlled environment with individuals I have learned to handle and how to respond to them. I am terrified of realising how small and insignificant I am in the great scheme of things. And I guess I'm scared of going from being a biggish fish in a small pond to a scarily small fish in the ocean.

But like all things I suppose it'll pass and I'll be back to my normal preppy happy self again.

Peace
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The Illusion of Familiarity - My Transition to Internet Stalker

Recently I have discovered a dangerous problem I have.

Immersing yourself in social networks such as Tumblr and Youtube can give you the opportunity to make a myriad of new friends. The problem starts manifesting when you forget that even on something accessible as this there are limitations.

I find myself increasingly attempting to befriend internet celebrities as I would any other person I meet via a social network.

This seems to come from the illusion of familiarity that is created by the internet. These people broadcast their lives publicly. Not a difficult concept to grasp. So do my friends. Oh hey look! I have instant access to the lives of my friends. And to the lives of strangers I find entertaining. Strangers and friends.

Here my brain goes haywire. It used to happen with characters in books and series, but I could never interact inter-personally with those characters. This wonderful thing called the internet not only shows me the lives of these familiar strangers, but also gives me a way of contacting them. Directly. Hey! I can contact my friends directly. I see no reason that these people whose lives I am intimately familiar with and who I can reach with a few key swipes and a simple click.

And bam! I'm a stalker who should be receiving a restraining order through the mail just about now.

I somehow forget that the things these people tweet, post or film are not sent exclusively to me. They are publicly broadcast to millions of other people internationally. I am one single person of a multitude that are reached daily. And beside that which I can learn from their videos or blogs, I do not know anything about these people. I simply am not their "Friend".

I would be lying if I said I was simply a number to them. But I am very unlikely to be more than a name, an occasional comment and an irritating fanmail out of a heap every day.

And I cannot think that I am the only person who struggles with this.

So for those of you out there who have this problem too, I guess all we can do is take a moment to breathe. Step back and realise that these people are, until some weird twist of fate, simply more characters whose stories we can enjoy. And then get back to crossing our fingers and waiting for that reply to the millionth letter we sent to a certain Youtuber ^_~

Peace
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Exam Time is Series Time!!!

We all know the truth of it. There is no larger motivation for procrastination than the looming presence of a test you need to study for. Compile a whole bunch of those in succession and you have no other choice but to leave everything till the last moment, or alternatively lose your sanity.

We all have fun procrastinating in our own ways, so here follows my top 10 favourites :)


1. Watch a Series!
        Oh yes, a wonderfully productive one!
This season's winners are:
Naruto

Naruto Shippuden

Death Note

 2-5. This falls in a major category of the Internet
      2. Youtube
      3. Facebook
      4. Twitter
      5. Tumblr

6. Teaching myself new tunes on the piano... Or at least attempting to.

7. Starting and finishing a new Game
    Assassin's Creed Brotherhood

8. Attempting to start with your designs again.
    Yeah, no comment on that.

9. Oh I don't know. Get fit, get muscles. Do something worthwhile.

10. Writing this blog.

Yes I just went there and yes this was just another way to avoid hitting the books. You're welcome.
Either way, I should really be getting to that.
Peace
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