Tuesday 26 November 2013

I am terrified

Today's blog won't be as preppy, cocky or funny as it usually is, bu that is because I am at a majorly terrifying point in my life.


Granted, I am not going through PTSD, neither am I chronically depressed, have been threatened with death or done up a terrible incurable disease. So logically I have no reason to be feeling this way right? And since when have I magically become logical?

Yesterday I finished highschool. Yay! Major success! And I know what I'm doing next year. My accommodation is sorted out. And my parents have saved up enough that I should be able to finish my course without monetary trouble. Sorted.

Now bring into consideration that I have lived in the same house since I was born. I was in the same preprimary for 5 years, the same primary school for 7 years and the same highschool for a further 5 years. My schools have always been small and concentrated. Heck my current highschool had only about 600 learners so each child could get individual attention in class.

Add to that that for the first six months next year I will be in a class the size of my entire highschool and I'm falling apart and realising just how small I am.


Then there is the fact that being part of a close knit community, many of the people I know from preprimary went with me to primary school and from there to highschool. And even those who went to different schools were a few neighbourhoods away. Now we will be going to universities in completely different cities. The few that are attending my university are further divided into courses that take different classes and you end up with even less people you see. Again the fact that classes are now the size of my highschool and bam! chances of seeing someone you know has just become minuscule.


To be honest I guess I'm just terribly afraid of losing my safe and structured controlled environment with individuals I have learned to handle and how to respond to them. I am terrified of realising how small and insignificant I am in the great scheme of things. And I guess I'm scared of going from being a biggish fish in a small pond to a scarily small fish in the ocean.


But like all things I suppose it'll pass and I'll be back to my normal preppy happy self again.

Peace
ΙΈ

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