Residual Grudges

When I was in the fourth grade we were given a project to do a presentation on our role model. It was the first project I ever did completely on my own and I was really proud of all the biographical information I was able to gather on my chosen role model, Jacques Kallis (who incidentally finished his cricketing career today).  I was really fluffing my feathers about my great mark when the next boy, Lian van der Lith, did his presentation on Nelson Mandela. To my absolute horror he did better than I did (this might have been the beginning of my whole Mandela issue in the first place).

Now this entire boring and traumatising story was related to explain to you a concept that I refer to as Residual Grudges. I still remember 8 years later about a guy that slightly upstaged me in painful detail.

I am a terrible victim of both Jealousy and Holding Grudges. Sometimes it even happens subconsciously or involuntarily. I will be jealous of something or someone and start feeling anger. This anger translates into a very cold attitude toward that entity and before you know it I can’t stand it and become all dark and dangerous in its presence.

And I really can’t think that I’m the only one who holds these grudges.

The problem comes in when I allow these grudges to affect my entire life and existence. I need to learn to consciously check situations for this jealousy and control it, so that I won’t keep destroying myself and my relationships.

And as we all know “Jealousy makes you Nasty, Nasty makes you Fat, Fat makes you Ugly and that’s a Fact”

Peace

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Love (The Broader Concept)

Well hi there world! It's a wonderfully sunny South African Sunday afternoon.

I have recently had to confront myself with a problem that I struggle with immensely. I seem to be incapable of classifying my feelings, especially when to do with the concept of affection or love, for people.

Love is a broader thing. It is described as a strong feeling of affection or can be used to describe a great interest and pleasure in something. Thankfully these are not the components I get a little foggy about (imagine getting all bumbly when you start taking photos cause you really love doing it... Yeah. Weird image ^_~ YES THAT'S A PUN!). The problem comes in that love as a term is not definable as a single type of affection. There are various degrees and objects of this affection [love].

C.S. Lewis defined these types of love very effectively in his book "The Four Loves", based on the Greek words for Love: Storge, Philia, Eros and Agape.

Lewis defines the last of these, Agape, as the greatest of all loves. It is Unconditional Love or Charity. I see this love as the most basic of loves. It is the simplest and purest affection I can feel for a person. Normally this affection will kick in the moment I meet you, as friends will tell you, because I literally drag people I meet into my heart (whether you like it or not). This is when I become a ferocious friend, extremely supportive and rather prying. You can then choose to reject this "friendship" or allow me into your life. This is rather simple.

The part where it get's tricky is when you have let me in. There is Storge (or affection), Philia (or friendship) and Eros (or romantic). Many of my friends will tell you that once our friendship has become important to me I start practicing a very strong parental love. I know, it's slightly weird, but it's like a mother-hen-syndrome and I can't help myself. Already here I have broken the boundary with Philia an Storge. But we all agree that though slightly creepy, there is nothing inherently wrong about feeling this way.

The problem is that I can sometimes confuse the feelings of Philia or even Storge as Eros. This is the point where I perceive the immensely strong feelings of affection I experience as a romantic attraction. I even sometimes manage to trick myself into thinking these feelings are reciprocated.

I wish I had figured this problem out sooner, because it recently cost me relationship and that saddens me greatly. I am just glad that I have at least identified my problem of "mixing up love". Now to try and fix it.

Peace
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